SPIRIT-LED SEXUALITY (Reader's Contributions)
In this series, we will be integrating questions, experience and feelings that have been shared with us by Readers of the Series: "Spirit-Led Sexuality". These opinions are DEEPLY APPRECIATED, and extremely growth-producing for all who participate! Our thanks to those who share so freely and openly about their experiences and feelings concerning this delicate, but extremely important subject.
“The day will come when, after harnessing the winds,
The tides, and gravitation, we shall harness for God
The energies of love. And on that day, for the second time
In the history of the world, man will have discovered fire.
~Teilhard de Chardin
"Hello. I received your mail on the dilemma of Gregg. The human soul is unfathomable, infinite, and besides immortal. At times these relations that begin weaving to level of the imagination and the supposition they can get people all tangled! It would owe (in my opinion) and supposing that the girl can be interested....Seeking to break the ice of the distance trying to begin for a friendly approach. Can be a letter, or in a meeting with other people present, or furtive conversations, trying to discover the soul of the girl. Her yearnings, her dreams, her conflicts, her hopes, her internal battles. The cure for excessive fantasies is to see her humanity. She is something more than an object of sexual satisfaction. Because he cares so deeply for her.......her must be more focused to know really the girl as a person.....with feelings, thoughts, sufferings, defects, errors... so he can balance her, and discover the sublime profile of her whole being---including her miseries! Only then, can they hope to remain fully together in love.......(O.F., Argentina, S. America)
"From my recent experience with new-found love, I learned that sexual energy joint together with the ego games are very strong energy---sending two souls into in a downward spiral, instead of getting you to ascend or rise above limitation beliefs and judgments, to higher-vibrational feelings and attitudes. Otherwise......what is left is simply anxiety and confusion about love. It is good to go through such experiences because once you are out of it, you realize that it is a matter of making more conscious and loving choices for yourself. Now I know that a partner relationship for me would only work with someone that is focused on the New Paradigm. I used to look in relationships to feel complete, but not any more. The search for your Higher Self is what makes you look for that soul mate. I have found my soul mate within. If I choose to share my love with someone, it has to be someone that has already found this love within, too. I send both of you Gregg and Daniel, a big hug filled with all my love and gratitude! (I.A.S., Puerto Rico)
"Okay, I couldn't resist... I was tired, read the "Next Level" email subject line and your original email about sex... and all I could hear in my mind was Aerosmith singing "Love in An Elevator"... anyway...As I've gone through my "men" thing, I've noticed something interesting that all the ones who "stuck" have in common....... (aside from the ...er...um...obvious).....So now that I see this connecting thread reflected back at me, I'm not sure what to make, do, think about it. Then again, maybe I'm reading too much into it........My husband was an electrical engineer, my oldest son was born on the day of "High Voltage" in astrology.....My BF of 2 years is a bona fide Electrical Engineer.....2 more guys after him were also Electrical Engineers....I seem to be creating my own POWER GRID..........eh?" (S.D., Wisconsin)
"It seems to me and taking the movie ‘Eat Pray Love’ into consideration that before we can transcend our minds and bodies we must come to terms with the inhibitions that we know persist and block our way. In a way the truth sets us free to then transcend our minds and bodies. Denying our own needs denies others the enrichment of our true selves, living the a persistent lie is harmful. One could be disturbed by the woman finding herself in eat, prey, love..... leaving her loving husband was a hard choice but was one also of an inner truth. In the end we praise a truthful existence. My question is: if a husband is understanding of his wife’s need for sexual bliss in order to complete a heightened sexual awareness she is able to but has never experienced should she not live as a free spirit to evolve......chase the shadow away to bathe in the sunlight of heightened spiritual need.......I want my wife to live to the fullest, she is slowly being consumed by her shadow. I explained to her that she is human first and my wife second, I cannot own her spirit and quash her nourishing these needs?" (C.H.N, unknown)
"Wow! When Daniel first asked me to write about my love life the word love alone overwhelms me. Upon a second request, I decided to slow down and listen to what was really behind that overwhelm. If you ask me, the word love should be more than four letters because it never feels that simple. As I watch my relationships evolve over time the more I believe they are the ripest grounds for spiritual growth. There is no way to get away from myself in a committed relationship and often they are not always what I think I am looking for. Something beyond me often has a lesson in store for me that may not always be easy or what I feel like I asked for. One thing is for sure as I grow the relationships are easier but the lessons are harder since I have the strength to deal with deeper issues. Funny how that works! So where am I now… I am in a relationship with a man with a dude cover but the most sensitive man I have dated yet underneath. There is nothing better to me than when I am in the presence of his sensitive side and want one day for him to honor that in front of his friends. For now I am satisfied with knowing he knows he has it but is that enough and are there men out there that will give up public appreciation for the sake of being who they are on all levels… One thing I do know is I have a level of responsibility in it all. As I am more sensitive and vulnerable with him, the more he is with me. We attract where we are… The coolest part is that another awesome trait about the guy I am with is he does respond to me and how I am with him more than any other guy. There is an opportunity for he and I to grow together that I have not seen in past relationships. So when do I stay and when do I go? I go when it is easy to go. Only then does it feel all that is there to learn has been learned and it is time to move on. What does it feel like then to be 100% relating to someone I am in relationship with… One thing is for sure I love this man more than any before but there still feels like there is so much to teach him… how to be with an emotional, sensitive woman… now that is a million dollar question most men would love to know that answer to but the truth is that it is such a simple answer… be with her, listen to her, accept her, and love her. In that space love is simple but in the space of what our culture has taught about what it ought to be and ought to look like it gets so complicated. I am wondering that even after finding a man who can relate to me more from a place of being will that make me feel OK or is that just another level of attraction to the growth work I am doing within myself. As almost everyone knows, we create the realities around us and so in response to me being healthier I get the healthier man in return. When all is said and done, we have choices and in choosing a path of growth life always gets easier getting older." (S.R., Arizona)
"In this little saga that I love to share with you (it is not the kind of info/exchange that you can share with many people as so few have an understanding), one bump arose that feels very interesting to share. The utter crisis that my lover has once in a while has been transformed.....or, it maybe has been boiled down to a flux-reflux effect that leads her (and thus, us) to a temporary separation. It is best described by this video:
"As she and I communicate......this kind of situation, where the porcupines who are too close stab one another, feels very foreign to me. I never felt stabbed in this relation or any other. Do you have this kind of experience? Is my perception so wrong? Or far distanced? I do not get it. Anyway, it does teach me further on my own love, toward myself, discovering it.......amazed." (A.S. Western Europe)
Daniel: Hi there! In response to your question........The Reconnections teach us that one of the primary purposes for Relationship is the revelation of "blind spots" or "shadow aspects" of SELF which are not visible to us unless our partner wears them. The need for "space" in Relationships is becoming so high these days that people are literally crying out for it. Kahlil Gibran once wrote: "Let there be spaces in our togetherness." Even though you are are not CONSCIOUSLY aware of your occasional need for space---it is there, because your partner is "wearing" it for you. As the Guides once put it so succinctly:"The Law of Reciprocity states that it is energetically impossible for one person to desire something of another that does not have a significant meaning for both. After all, there is only one of you there! At the same time, a statement of "No, thank you.......," coming from one side of an interaction is automatically reflective of both sides. What you tend to think of as a "conflict of opinion" will eventually be recognized for what it truly is---an opportunity for two beings in physical space to experience and celebrate their multidimensional nature.In Oneness, there is no such thing as disagreement. There is simply infinite variance upon the same, one theme. As your Reconnected Planetary Heart begins to beat in rhythm with this simple truth, your need for policemen and courtrooms will vanish. The time and resources once used to maintain them will be re-allocated to other endeavors. That alone could feed and clothe all the people of the world several times over.
People will be free and honest with each other--knowing that they are not alone, they are ALL ONE! What one sees in another is but a reflection. What all see in one is but a refraction of the selfsame Spirit of the All. Determination, will, and resistance become transformed into liquid availability--allowing the strongest, yet least contrived TONES of the Moment to lead the way."
We are so grateful for your willingness to share........ALL OF YOU........with such honesty and candor. It is only when we enter into each other's company with this attitude, flowing in and through us, that our needs for LOVING COMMUNITY will finally be met.
"I'm 59 years old and I'll give my opinion regarding what happened to this young man. Had I been in his place, I wouldn't have broken that relationship with my partner. On the contrary, it is said that having a sexual relationship and being in communion with our mate and becoming one is the ideal of "making love", as we call it. I think this young man was overwhelmed by his internal fears. As a male, maybe he feared he would lose control of his life because he was flowing in such a manner.Furthermore, here you can see that religions in general, as they say that this life is a valley of tears, imply you have no right to be happy and enjoy any pleasure. That leads us to slavery. I think there is nothing wrong with the fire of passion; the nature of this plane (planet) is like this, voluptuous." (N.B., Valparaiso, Chile)
"I was thinking about the addictive point concerning relationships. Obviously I can relate. What an addict does is spend a lifetime trying to recapture that first experience. It simply doesn't ever happen. There can never be another first time. So, We try more and more and more, trying to recapture the first time. Many relationships are like that. Then there are some people who spend a lifetime adding new experiences. Those are probably the successful relationships. Still, I tend to believe 'It takes a village' to fully make the journey complete." (M.B., Alaska)
"I actually had a very strong experience in this matter as a result of a former incarnation I was allowed to see. In this incarnation the person that troubled me so much had been my lover. We ran away together but we were caught. There was a blood pact, as we swore we would be together through time, space and eternity. We were killed because we broke tribal rules. When we met again in this life, neither of us knew what was happening until I was allowed to see that previous incarnation. When I went back in time and returned, I also brought back those emotions and I agree with what Gregg says, it IS something that goes beyond your conscious mind. I had to fight hard against the force that was unleashed. I realized it was a very strong karma to be paid and that the best we could do was to break that relationship and ask each other to reverse the covenant made centuries ago, so we could go on with our lives. Obviously, my former partner didn't want to sever that bond and tried hard to convince me, but to no avail. Now I see the past and sees the lesson we had to learn. I am convinced many obsessive relationships come from former lives where we have shared life, death, adventure, etc. with different people, etc. Many times we are not aware of these situations that follow us from life to life. I share this experience because it had a great impact on me. It helped me to see life more clearly and to discern between passion and its causes., (With love from Carmen)
"For the past two years I have been going through the same journey that Gregg is describing!! Two years ago, I made the heartbreaking decision to leave a deeply connected love relationship that was a "twin flame" manifestation... we loved each other so deeply, completely, unconditionally.... with a great ease & connection, and joy.... and passion....After we'd been together for a year, my intuition kept telling me that parts of "me" were dying.... and that if I stayed in the relationship, I would lose my own connection to my true life's purpose/soul purpose for being on earth at this time... This intuitive feeling ripped me apart inside, tore me down to the greatest darkness, grief and pain I have ever known. I felt we were moving together as twin flames do and the very thought of walking away from something so precious, so rare, that felt so RIGHT, was a pain so intense that it brought me to the edge of insanity. He was so giving, through the whole process: he wanted me to be happy and wanted what was best for me, so he vacillated between giving me space and his own grieving heart.
It took me a few months to come to a decision, it was so hard and confusing. I couldn't even trust any more, what was the voice of my love, what was my intuition, what was "good," what was true.
I decided to leave, and it was only because there didn't seem to be any other way through it. It seemed like the only possible way I could reconnect with my own core again, the only possible way forward to feeling and moving in truth again. And it didn't lead me to more joy - as I knew, at the time, that it wouldn't. It lead me down into the depths of depression, grief and confusion. The first few months after we separated were the darkest of my dark nights of the soul. What was it, that caused me to so thoroughly lose myself in Eros, even while being with my true beloved & moving in great kindness? I think it is as Gregg described: fundamentally, in my underlying beliefs about "relationships" (that come from my upbringing and societal conditioning), there was a dynamic of control and power that I was trapped in. I was completely addicted to "feeding" on him/the relationship, with the result that every time I did it (and it was a subconscious energetic movement), I would lose some of my own power. The power that is my "life force," my wellbeing - it's not a power over, it's a power of being. I think the only way for me to realize this dynamic, to clearly and fully bring it into the light of understanding, was to go through it in this very vivid and painful way.
Was the learning worth it? I think in five years my answer will be a resounding "yes." For now... the wounds are still too fresh. Yet, hesitantly, I still nod my head. Because now, at least, I have become conscious of what that "taking power" dynamic really feels like, even in the context of a beautiful loving relationship; and hopefully, in the lessons of letting go, I have come to a higher level of energetic mastery where I can now participate in dynamics that are only ever "giving to." And that actually, what that can look like is a lot more free and undefined than my mind can understand. And I'm ok with that.
What helped me the most through this two year journey of death, depression and rebirth?
-The first milestone happened when I read something that made me realize I'd been losing my power/magic/life force/mojo however you want to call it. As soon as I realized I'd been losing it, it was a lot easier to call it back in. Before that I was just deeply confused and mentally trying to analyze/disect everything.
- The next milestone was being with good friends who have known me a long time, who brought me back in touch with who I was before the whole thing.
- The next most helpful moment was when a dance teacher said, in an ecstatic dance session, "come home to your heart"
- Reading the books by Don Miguel Ruiz helped me the most, to realign with everything that was true for my spirit.
-I would love if you feel inspired to share any of this with Gregg, my heart went out to him so much as I know this pain. As far as publishing goes, that would be fine anonymously if you think it would serve. I'm still left with the question: how would I react if seriously challenged again?
I honestly don't know! The universe seems to have been leaving me in a quiet romantic space for some time! I'm a little afraid of the temptations I can feel there, and yet, as in any addiction, I think that I have tasted the pain of rock bottom well enough to recognize the aromas of the temptations and say, clearly and lovingly, with ease, "no thank you!"
Time will tell!" : ) (D.S., location unknown)
"Aloha Daniel....I was intrigued by your latest subject of I will call it, conscious creation. First, I would like to ask, Does this mean I will finally have sex again?...LOL. I too, have thought my twin soul flame would have appeared by now and continue to hope for the best. In the past few years I have literally had 3 men "chicken out" when it even came to friendship. Each of the men asked me out and stood me up...I actually find it amusing and trust that it was for the best. I have always had a very sexual vibe but little action in my 58+ years, so I am ready, baby...for a man with balls! If that doesn't manifest, fine, I am enjoying my solitude in the beauty of the Islands, nourished by the wonders of nature. I also spend lots of time with children, the wonders of the universe. But most of all, I am BURSTING to offer my gifts to the world at large. I continue to offer services, volunteer, etc, to no avail, as well intentioned people do not return my call. Everyone is apparently "too busy". I just accept the outcome and timing, and get on with my charmed, single, semi-retired life. I trust the process and blessings of the ancestors. Ah, freedom. The more Joy and childlike amusement I spread, the more my message is received. I feel that my presence, in person and distantly, is assisting the increase of light and happiness in humans on the earth. I feel no need to force or control, just offer loving-kindness and heartfelt understanding. May all beings be happy! We are all travelling our own paths, on our personal journeys, where they eventually intersect as One."
"I was one of those brought up on the idea of a perfect mate in a marriage that produced perfect children and a perfect life. 15 minutes after the ceremony my perfect mate became a monster that has been inescapable for 55 years. God and my friends have kept me from suicide and/or murder. Sex can be a trap and when unloving can be torture." (R.R., location unknown)
"I had several relationships in my adolescence, and a long marriage of 30 years seeking that conección deep that some times seemed to arrive but at other times so we seemed alone, like 2 people speaking different languages. Now in my recovered celibacy, I do not seek a monogamous relationship, not even I think of an idol to whom we deliver the key of our happiness, and the idols are of clay and they put limits on that which should be unlimited. In short Gregg....... although now it seems to be painful I believe in my humble opinion that you took a decición brave and wise! D.A., location unknown (S. America)
"I am really wanting to sort out what being in relationship is about when coming from a healthy perspective….. Too often I feel myself get caught up with a someday or an idea…. That I have to be super healthy before that great relationship will happen…..I am not healed so I need to wait to be in one until it can be perfectly healthy but does that really exist…. And often at the same time question 'What Is Love, Really?'…. And when to stay and when it is time to go. The relationship I am in now is obviously the easiest one I have ever been in and at the other side sometimes the hardest. The mirror that is presented for me feels so frustrating for me. I feel like he has many of the qualities I long for ( I have attracted an opposite) and at the same time I have to look at so many dark sides of myself to be able to feel clean with myself and continue to move forward. I guess a lot of the pain comes from how he can so easily trigger me and set me off like popcorn sometimes…. And instead of allowing myself to be vulnerable and honest with what I am feeling or for that matter allow myself to feel what I need to…. I clam up and shut down. Finally in the past weeks I have had the opportunity to feel the kind of vulnerability I have been wanting for years and getting much better results in life because of it…. But still learning……so I guess after all that circling is that the pain comes from the inability to be honest and vulnerable and instead clamming up and shutting down….. It is getting better though! As far as being safe…maybe a better way of saying it would be to say 'Feeling OK.' Feeling confident that I am doing what I am meant to be doing in my life right now…. Feeling confident about being with the person I am with…. Whether serious relationship or friend, it is hard for me sometimes to let others be human and still love and see the good. Something I want to be able to do…..(S.R., Phoenix, AZ)
"Reading your comments and Greg's text, it was hard not to try to share a little bit of the exceptional experience that I am having in my own multiverse. It is very hard to explain it in words as so few can describe what one feels in this case. Please do edit my english if you wish and share it (I am male from Europe). One year ago, I met in the US, without any conscious intention, already in a yet to be finished marriage, my feminine reflection. A deep connection manifested since the first minute we met and grew deeper and deeper as we spent time together. From the first day, it was clear that a very special connection existed. From the second day, my heart through my intuition told me already that she was going to create a big difference in my life. After one month apart, we KNEW what lives we had shared together and the deepness to which our hearts are intertwined. Since then, she has helped me open up my heart and change totally the paradigm through which I was living my life: being the inner silence of the heart, being the observer and observed at the same time, manifesting from within, from internal bliss. Meanwhile I helped her with her own issues. Like two mirrors reflecting one another. A marvelous balance. Each time we meet (we are a few thousand kilometers apart) it is like a firework for both of us: within love, each add to the love of the other, thus creating an infinitely virtuous circle. Being physically present together or feeling each other or communicating in the distance, we experience all kind of different loves, each different and UNIQUE by its own right. Until now only poems have been able to describe it. Of course, a few bumps were met on the road, vestiges of the past, but overall I can today/now, say that I am (and we are) in JOY to be together again and live once in a while in 3D to share some very precious moments. Both of us are lucky to have cleaned the main issues related to relationships in "past lives" like the ones related by Gregg. Now it is just a game, in love, between two happy children. Both of us are in peace, within ourselves. Each of us is loving oneself. And from this love, we live, ours. Through this love, I also began to include all my Creation/Reality, creating again a virtuous circle that creates more love for me, her, everybody." (A.S., Western Europe)
MORE TO COME. In the meantime, you are all welcome to join in the discussion by e-mailing me your questions, comments, and insights into this very powerful topic! Also, those who are new to Reconnections Processing may find a lot of insight by reviewing the page marked "How to Figure Stuff Out."
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