THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN CATS AND DOGS
THE DOG'S DIARY:
7 am- Oh boy! A walk! My favourite!
8 am- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 am- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
Noon- Oh boy! The yard! My favourite!
2 pm- Oh boy! A car ride! My favourite!
3 pm- Oh boy! The kids! My favourite!
4 pm- Oh boy! Playing ball! My favourite!
6 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Mum! My favourite!
7 pm- Oh boy! Welcome home Dad! My favourite!
8 pm- Oh boy! Dog food! My favourite!
9 pm- Oh boy! Tummy rubs on the couch! My favourite!
11 pm- Oh boy! Sleeping in my people's bed! My favourite!
THE CAT'S DIARY:
Day 183 of my captivity...
My captors continued to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from clawing the furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another house plant.
Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded. Maybe I should try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favourite chair - must try this on their bed. Decapitated a mouse and brought them the headless body in an attempt to make them aware of what I am capable of, and to try to strike fear into their hearts. They only cooed and condescended about what a good little kitty cat I was. This is not working according to plan.
There was some sort of gathering of their accomplices. I was placed in solitary confinement throughout the event. However, I could hear the noise and smell the food. More important, I overheard that my confinement was due to my powers of inducing something called "allergies." Must learn what this is and how to use it to my advantage.
I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit.
The bird, on the other hand, has got to be an informant. He speaks with them regularly, and I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room, his safety is assured.
But I can wait. It's only a matter of time..............