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It's a plain fact that, in over 70% of the in-person or phone channelings I do for individuals, The Reconnections give counsel to "become more sensorial in the way you live your daily life." They say: "Your life is no longer under the sole governance of logic and reason. The seat of your power has moved from head to heart....which has become a gathering place for BOTH intellect AND emotion." The Guides then go into great detail (depending on the needs of the moment) about how this refocusing of power might be accomplished. A few of those suggestions include:

Carl Jung once said: "Organized religion is a defense against a religious experience." I would add to that: "A totally organized schedule is a defense against moment-by-moment activation and inspiration from Spirit."

The review of the Pleasure/Pain Transmission at this time was inspired by the appearance, in Club Recon, of a gentle and articulate soul who, for the past several years, has been an active participant in BDSM, also known as "The Lifestyle." For the uninitiated, those letters stand for "Bondage, Domination, Sadism, and Masochism." When she entered our fellowship, she was sharing about another topic---but Spirit said to me: "This woman has something powerful to contribute." I sensed that it was in this area of Pleasure, Pain and Power. So I took time to contact her privately, and sure enough........there's a lot here that feels ready to come to light.

For some of us, what we're going to talk about in this series may sound a bit extreme. We need to talk about it anyway. There are times when the only way people can locate the "center" in their lives is to talk about the extremes they or others have encountered along the way. If we try to ignore these subjects, they tend to leap out at us when we least expect them to appear.

When you listen to her share, Lil (also known as "Sacryfice"), comes across as respectful, gentle, playful, curious, and brave. She has the feel of someone who has undergone tremendous change---some new way of living that has not only renovated her soul, but expanded her perspective considerably. Since this flies directly in the face classic stereotypes many people hold about "kinky" people, I just had to invite her to share more deeply with the List about her experiences and her process.

At the same time, I reconnected with my old friend Shama, who has been a practitioner and teacher of Tantra and Sexual Healing for many years. I wondered if she, too, might have some light to shed---not only on BDSM, but also on the resurgence of interest that is happening in regard to sexual studies. Sure enough, she did. I will be including some thoughts from each of them in this series, some information upgrades from the Reconnections, and a few ponderings of my own. Don't let your own voice on the subject go unheard. Please write me with any thoughts you may have.

The purpose of this series is to INSIGHT a riot. A quiet riot, in which we can each examine our personal value system---and the deep-seated attitudes we hold about our bodies, our senses......and all those parts of self that make us human. So far, we have chosen to stay in 3D. But we can also choose to get out of the box---and reactivate a flow of life force energy which we learned to pinch off as children, because our "image makers" were inhibiting us (telling us to sit down, be still, and behave). This life force is most easily activated through aesthetic and sensual pleasure. The more we relax into that blissful existence, the more our channels will open to greater flow. And yes, some folks are wired to integrate energy more easily through pain and personal intensity. Instead of positive energy surges, they thrive on "norgasms." So be it. Understanding the FULL SPECTRUM of possible/probable resources for expansion is what we're all about now. And what effect will that have? It will help us to more effectively find our own personal center.

Many today are so very anxious to move on, beyond 3D. But how can we move on from somewhere we've never really been? Many spirits hang almost limp outside their bodies now, clinging to physicality by the barest thread possible. This dimension is meant to be our anchor, our foundation, our springboard into Expanded Being. There are vast universes to explore and enjoy. But before we do, we may just want to read and heed that sign above the directory for the Super Mall of Now Moment Existence. It reads: "YOU ARE HERE."

When the Recons speak to us about "activating the senses," they enjoin us to FEEL FIRST, and UNDERSTAND LATER. In fact, in the Sector on the Web Site dedicated to "Dealing with Emotions," Recon Belteshazzar makes the statement: "The first step toward feeling better is becoming better at feeling." The reason for this is: Sensation travels faster than thought. Intuition and sensory awareness KNOWS things about people and situations long before our intellectual mechanism even boots up. And yet, we have learned over time to all but IGNORE what we sense about a situation, so we can allow our minds to "be clear," by looking closely at "the facts".....elements of reason, consistency of ideas, and any personal expediency it can afford us. This practice is both dangerous and lop-sided.

Don't get me wrong. Spirit is not asking us to throw out logic or reason. We're just being invited to factor in "other" sensory data besides what comes through the mind. In this way a "full-bodied" (organic) view of the situation is attained. If we feel first and understand later, we gather and give credence to sense impressions AS THEY ARRIVE, rather than trying to remember them afterwards. When intellect joins emotion, there is ever so much more data to include in the decision-making process.

If we were to create a graph of Sensory Experience, we would begin by building some sort of dichotomy between two poles. In many peoples minds, the extremities of that spectrum would consist of "pleasure" at one end and "pain" at the other. Every other sensation would fall somewhere in between. But if you read the Pleasure/Pain Transmission, you will notice that the Guides do not do this. Seen from their point of view, the Recons would place pleasure/pain (together) at one end of the spectrum and NUMBNESS at the other. As they clearly explain in the message, true differentiation between "agony" and "ecstasy" must always center itself in the awareness of each participant in the experience, and each awareness needs to be given equal respect.

One person's agony is another's ecstasy. And yet, modern humanity has managed to concoct a number of arbitrary scales for defining those states, largely through advertising and other forms of media. And if that isn't enough, politicians and religious leaders step in to create rules which they refer to as "Common Decency." It seems that humans have a hard time simply saying: "This is how I prefer things to be." And so, we band together in groups, draft God into the process.....gathering all the power and authority we can muster, and we declare: "This is what's RIGHT. This is how we must live." Anything that doesn't match that criteria gets condemned.

I believe this is happening, primarily, because regular, everyday folks simply refuse to feel on our own. We put up defenses against experience, against spontaneity, and ultimately......against our own personal truth and joy. We are just too busy, too wounded, too ambivalent, or too scared to feel. So we hire in people to do our feeling and our preferring for us. To have our "experiences" for us, and then tell us what to do. That period of our collective development is almost done. We can thank God-Us for that.

Pleasure (ultimately) sedates. Pain quickens. Even the possibility of pain can jump start a sleepy heart. Is it any wonder that pain has been such a long-standing and effective teacher? Pain brings every part of our being into alert status. Our focus narrows. Blood moves more quickly to vital organs. Senses come alive. Science tells us that our primary instincts at this point are fight or flight. Nowhere, to my knowledge, has anyone seriously studied the possibility of a third instinct........a heartfelt need........ for SURRENDER.

And what, indeed, does it mean to surrender, anyway? Prostration before some Lord or Master? Obedience to a set of rules or laws? Adoption of a new way of life? It could mean all of these things. AND......it could also refer to finally owning up to the height, the depth, the breadth or who we truly are. In the Twelve Steps of Recovery, as set forth by Alcoholics Anonymous, the first step is to admit total defeat at the hands of some addiction, problem, or vice. Then comes another awful realization: "Someone might be bigger than ME for solving this problem!" After that comes a turning of oneself over the care of that "Higher Power." And then.........an INVENTORY of what we're giving away. Who are we? What have we done? When our working facade gets torn away, what remains? Worthy questions. And only a drop in the bucket, methinks. This is a lifetime process we're talking about here. Maybe even multiple lifetimes.

BALANCING FORCES

Balance is the key to assuring greater energy available, with greater centeredness in the moment. There is a place in the scheme of things for pleasure AND for pain. One cannot exist without the other. If we try to make it so, our subconscious mind will invent ways to bring in that disowned element. One thing those involved in BDSM might say about The Lifestyle is : It takes that which is subconsciously created in people's lives and brings those needs conscious. Practitioners openly admit: "I need pain. I crave containment. And I am curious about playing with power." The Reconnections describe our journey in physical form as a "Vacation in Limitation." And hmmmmmmmm........now a few things are starting to make sense........

Early Experiences and Preparation............

Lil (aka Sacryfice) shares that she always had an attraction to the "Goth" look---dark clothing and make-up. She was wild and bold as a youngster.......yet she craved containment. All of these earlier tendencies came much more into focus as she entered The Lifestyle. To begin......she shared:

I have one child, a girl, who is now 18. I had her when I was 21. I married her Daddy and 2 yrs later he died from accidental electrocution, in our home, repairing the washing machine. We were 23 and my daughter was just 2 weeks away from her second birthday. So…there I was. Alone.

After a major transitioning time (about 2 years), I met my second husband, who I was with for 8 yrs. Those years of my life come and go in my memory, as they were rather rough and violent years, full of anger and alcohol (in him, not me). Not at all what I thought marriage was meant to be. During those years though, I found “religion”. Not that I didn’t have “God” in my life previously, but I really got much deeper…I explored it more, but could never quite totally “fill” myself with it…something was missing. I started experiencing some major health issues which revealed that my thyroid all out of whack. Which I totally get now was that it was my Kundalini beginning to stir. What I was treated for was Graves Disease…which led to a total killing of my thyroid...which really screwed me up for quite awhile!!! If I only knew then what I know now!

At the same time, my life was totally going crazy and falling apart and my husband was an alcoholic and violent when he drinks...... and to make a long story short, it got to the point I would just wait for him to take his paxil, drink his beer and pass out for the night. Then…I would have Peace.

Initially.... I think I was attracted to my husband's Dominate nature, his “bad boy” image, as they call it. I was also drawn to his “controlling personality." It fed something inside of me. Eventually it turned to abuse and wasn’t so attractive anymore. At the same time…I couldn’t let him go. What was going on??? I was stronger than this…but I wasn’t at that time.........and it eventually sucked the life out of me and just about killed me. I had lost so much of myself. I had lost the self respect I once had. I had but a tiny flicker of life left in me…which one person especially noticed. This person was my husband’s best friend. We became friends, and I truly mean only friends. He was over one night and saw the treatment that my husband gave me and it made him sick. Well, through out various conversations after that night, he came to the conclusion that he had to get my daughter and I out of there. So again, to shorten this story, I quickly found myself divorced, moved out and was taken to a place that was safe and away from harm. With some major Trust issues in my back pack and a lot of healing to do…I began my Soul Journey…to finish what was once started, and was almost “put to death”.

After I moved out my ex’s friend and I kept talking and eventually our connection could no longer be ignored. He ended up moving in with my daughter and I. I asked her permission first, though. We both had trust issues and it was only right to do so. She agreed to it, as she did really like him. He moved in with us, which was scary for me, but I did need support and a measure of “safety” as well.

To his credit, he never pushed sex on me, he never did anything but try to smother me in Love…to be honest it about made me sick how much love he showed. I was really not up on this whole Love thing at the time and certainly didn’t like to be touched this much!! Eeeewwww!!! Basically.....at the time..... I was a man-hater and one very angry girl! I had a heart and wall of steel and nobody was going to get in. Or so I thought." <end excerpt>

To e-mail Sacryfice directly, for questions or comments, click HERE

One of many interesting insights which came to me, as I listened to this story (as well as several other stories I've heard), is the fact that, in Lil's mind......there is always a clear differentiation between abuse and innate Dominate/submissive (D/s) interests. Though she didn't understand fully all that was happening inside her at the time, she was able to grab hold of that much. Is it possible for our academic community to do the same?

THE URGE TO SUBMIT

We'll hear more from Lil---about the "process" she entered into with her new Mate---but before we do, it seems important to emphasize again this innate, often hidden, urge we humans have to give ourselves over to the care and nurturing of someone (or something) more powerful than we. It is often hidden from view, which gives a person the sense that it might not be there at all. It is present in nearly all religious conversion stories, and we have already spoken of its importance in working the Twelve Steps of A.A.

As anxious as folks are to avoid being "possessed" by some external power or force, many are often just as anxious to CHOOSE who or what we respect---so we can voluntarily give ourselves over to that, body and soul. And as I say this, I inevitably hear a voice in the crowd say: "Not me, mate. I'm an independent bloke, and I don't need anyone telling me what to do!" And you know what? That's fine, too. I am not writing about this topic because everyone needs to go out and buy leathers and a whip. I'm simply saying that some folks really thrive on practicing Extremity---people we would never tend to think of as perverts---not in a million years.

The three watchwords of BDSM are "safe, sane, and consensual." How those terms are defined varies from person to person. Formal Power Play™ Sessions require the use of "safe" words and phrases. If the play gets too rough, the submissive always has the right to stop the process through the use of a "safe" word. This is true whether partners are playing at home in everyday environs, or in groups meeting in specially equipped "Dungeons.". Guidelines clearly show a recognition, on the part of those involved, that there is a difference between deliberately hurting someone and delivering focused pain, as part of a pre-arranged process. Not all Power Players prefer leather and dress-up. Many simply integrate D/s ways and principles into their personal relationship patterns.

Pain awakens. Abuse cauterizes. Pain focuses attention. Abuse dissociates consciousness. How do we tell them apart? We know them by their fruit. The rule of "safe, sane, and consensual" makes a soul blossom into something new and powerful. Ignore that rule, and the whole energy goes south. And you can see this written all over a person's face.

As Lil leaves off, at the first part of her story, she describes herself as "an angry woman with a heart and wall of steel." For years, I thought angry men and women were primarily upset because someone had done them wrong. Someone had wounded them, and they were out for retribution or revenge. And maybe that's still true for some. But now.....another possibility emerges in my mind. If what we're discussing here really rings true........about this deep, innate need for surrender and expressed devotion to Someone........I am wondering if all that rage isn't sourced in the fact that, at some point in life, someone awakened a FIRE IN THEIR BELLY.......a deep, hidden sense of hunger and desire.....only to frustrate them because they didn't possess the power and/or charisma to tame the beast and make it their own. More about these ideas as the series progresses.

New! (1/21/2008) Sacryfice has added two new resources to her Web Site:

"The Page of Pain" http://www.moonlitmysticsm.com/thepageofpain.htm

The "SubzClub" (A Resource for Awakening Souls): http://www.thesubzclub.com

THE WAY OF TANTRA

"Spirituality and Sexuality are literally wrapped around each other in the human energy system." So says Shama,.......Tantric Mistress and Teacher of New Paradigm Spirituality. I met her several years ago online, had a number of illuminating phone discussions about this and other topics, then met her personally on one of my trips to Los Angeles for a day of sightseeing and lunch. Like many "wise women" today, Shama carries a host of insights within her--special knowledge which she has tried and proven through years of regular sessions and workshops with clients.

I contacted Shama when we began our recent sharing about The Lifestyle in Club Recon. She was busily involved in the creation of some radio and television projects, all designed around bringing "The Wisdom of the Goddess" to hungry souls in the California Southland. Tantra is, indeed, an exploding topic---not only in L.A., but also throughout the world. Shama's web site www.thepleasureparadigm.com is active and popular, and her newsletters are fun to follow.

Concerning The Lifestyle, Shama had this to say:

"It is my theory that BDSM is the other side of the coin of our more classic idea of Tantra. The love and light types focus primarily on its more etheric qualities. Yet, as one goes deeper and higher, activating the lower chakras and integrating all the body's energies.........more muck comes up for acknowledgement and transformation. Those truly on this path will at some time stand face to face with their dark side. Our dark side is merely that part of us that holds aspects of ourselves that we have rejected and disowned. It is a side of ourselves that keeps “negative” emotions at bay. Also, by the way, it is an important source of personal power and divinity.

The first and second chakras, are directly related to our basic nature: The base chakra is where we take in the flow of energy from the Earth: how much of this orgasmic, life force energy do we allow ourselves to receive? Do we even want to be here? It governs abundance/money and the flow of all the rays of our physical nature. The second chakra governs sexuality and self-esteem. Two areas that are inextricably linked. When you don’t feel good about yourself, you don’t feel very sexual either. Once we receive the influx of this life force energy, we can determine where we choose to focus it. The second chakra is the determiner of how this power is directed in the body and it can be an amplifier, if we choose to use it as such. These are also the places inside of us where much of our emotional pain is stored.

Children know how to move this energy naturally. Notice how when a child has an experience, they do not edit their thoughts, feelings and emotions. They express them fully in the moment that they feel them. They may move through 4 or 5 emotions in the space of a minute. This is how we release stress from the body. Our parents taught us to manage our emotions — so much so that often we choose to stuff or suppress them, leaving a ball of energy in the body. This habitual storage system takes a lot of stamina to maintain. This is why people experience depression... All of their energy is going to maintaining their storage system for the pain. As the body and the lower chakras are activated in sexual and Tantric practice, these old traumas, limiting attitudes, beliefs and perceptions come up to be released. So, here we are again at that old crossroads of sex and money.

BDSM addresses many of these basic issues very directly and very deeply. Practitioners are using their sensate nature along with role play to consciously explore dispossessed aspects of themselves. They love playing the edge, that place where the intensity of feeling is almost unbearable, opening and relaxing more and more pleasure/pain....all of it orgasmic. They love dancing in both sides of duality: for example: The person playing the Dominant role may seem as if he/she is “The Boss” while the submissive acts as though they are in a slave role. However, the reality of the situation is that although both persons benefit from the role play, the Dominant is actually doing service to the sub by giving them the type of experience he or she requires. Playing consciously and lovingly, the Dom knows what the Sub likes, what they desire, and what they can handle, and then serves just that to them on a silver platter, while the sub gets to dive into the incredible bliss of surrender." <end exerpt>

More about Tantra.........

The quickening element of Tantra involves a skilled excitation of sexual desire, which might normally lead to release---accompanied by a purposeful delay of orgasm---so that each person's energy can be refocused UP the spinal canal, awakening and enlisting dormant energies along the way. Rather than merely "getting off".......a skilled Initiate learns to expand and amplify an orgasm, beyond anything he or she might have previously dreamed. When performed with power and purpose, the "fruit" which Tantra brings is peace, joy, expanded spiritual awakening, healing, and a profound remembrance of personal power.

Rather than projecting passion outward, into a partner, a Tantric Initiate learns to hold onto the energy, moving it upwards, creating an inner revolution/evolution of power within. The Reconnections frequently speak about humanity's eventual movement away from this concept of "Life Partners." We are encouraged to think of ourselves as "Wholeners" working in tandem with other "Wholeners".......as we make our journey back to the One, and from thence to wherever and whenever we desire.

But all of this is still in process. We are human, and we are also divine. The 3D Game Board allows for us to experience any and all of these elements, in total or individually, through life challenges, journeys and processes.

Shama goes on to explain:

"Primarily, Tantra is a path of the heart and a path of pleasure. It is about loving the self enough to create a life of deep enjoyment by consciously intending and choosing actions and activities that bring the greatest pleasure and nurturance to the soul. It is also a path of joyous service from whence the giving comes from a cup that is always consciously kept full.

Through sacred sex, Tantra teaches fine and sophisticated arts of giving and receiving optimum pleasure for the self and partner -- thereby achieving transcendence, or union with the divine, through sexual pleasure and extended orgasm. In orgasm we are truly in the moment - in the place of no mind through which we are the most receptive to our natural bliss - aligned with the high frequency of divine energy and enlightenment.

Tantra teaches that, through an in-depth awareness of all aspects of the self, and also through honoring, adoring and worshiping your partner as the embodiment of God/Goddess, one can find and allow the power of that pure love light to shine forth from within to brighten and bring more joy to the world." <end excerpt>

Some people MUST experience pain before they can open to pleasure. We don't fully understand why this is, but we know that it is. Others can only allow in tiny amounts of pleasure in, lest they get swept up in it and die! (or so they think). The Power Play™ and Tantra Communities are busy about the task of examining these issues, and learning more about what moves the human heart and what makes us feel most alive.

My goal here is to open up lines of communication---among regular, everyday folks---concerning core issues and dynamics which play themselves out all around us, everyday of our lives. Don't think you are free from D/s tendencies just because you choose not to wear leather or dress in black! It ain't necessarily so. And there is no need to feel shame about it, either. We're all beautiful, and we all carry important lessons for our world.

I am pleased to create a forum for these special individuals to share their Journeys, in hopes that others who feel similarly might know that they are not alone, and they are not "crazy." My thanks to Lil and Shama for their contributions, both now and in the future. Your comments and questions are always welcome.

More to Come.

Back to Series Index

Special thanks to Aven Thomas for the title photograph.