Spirit-Led Sexuality, Part 3

Three Stages of Skill Development

B Y   D A N I E L   J A C O B

(with selected writings by Gregg Palmer)  

Series Index


Many thanks to all for your generous contributions and deep sharings concerning this highly relevant topic.  We speak of LOVE…… truly……as a multi-faceted JEWEL, glimmering in the sun before us.  Each “side” of the jewel bears a face or a symbol.  Road maps of the soul!

Just as there are three primary components to the Practice of Human Sexuality---Form, Function, and Feeling---so are there three stages of skill development for said practice:  Discovery, Mastery, and Transcendence. 

The first stage we call Discovery.  It begins at infancy, with a trauma.  Those of us trained in Conscious Breathwork refer to this as “The Birth Trauma.”  It is that moment when the umbilical cord is cut, and all dependence on mother and her resources must be traded for a single act of independent selfhood: Our First Breath!


Though there are many books and articles being written about the effects of childbirth on a new mother, there could easily be an equal amount of books written about the effects of the birthing experience on the child. In a way, this original mandate for action sets the pattern for ALL action that is to follow.  When the cord is cut, the child either chooses to breathe, or he/she dies.  It’s all very simple.  “To be or not to be.” 

Indeed, it could be that society’s current trend of auto-eroticism involving asphyxia may represent our soul’s call BACK to that moment of decision---back to (perhaps) the most vivid memories we have of the freedom and serenity we experienced during our intra-uterine journey of 9 months.  But that’s another story altogether. 

The stage of DISCOVERY spans from infancy to adolescence, and it includes an open-hearted induction into full-on sensorial awareness---the discovery of hands, toes, genitals (which, at the early stages include the child’s entire body), distinctions between “self” and “other,” distinctions between family and “other”………indeed, a HOST of awarenesses, flooding in, all at once!!

The second stage we call Mastery.  And there are variable timelines for each individual’s shifting from discovering the world to making defined changes in it, according to personal whim and preference.  Some children begin “Mastery Training” while they are still immersed in Discovery---while others must thoroughly complete one stage before they will consent to engage in the next. 

Mastery involves personal revelation of desires, aspirations, and personal preference---coupled with determined effort to re-arrange one’s life circumstances to match those feelings.  Whereas Discovery involves a great deal of introspection and feeling, Mastery requires a considerable amount of external observation, interaction with others, trial and error.  Depending upon one’s ability to achieve success in his initial trials, or error……the Stage of Mastery may involve a certain amount of regression BACK into patterns of Re-Discovery and Introspect.

When an infant first realizes that he has become manifest in a physical world, he (or she) may experience a great deal of shock and dismay.  Many of you may have read my recent article where a Star Child (young girl) kept repeating to her mother “I want to go HOME,” to the dismay of her relatives.  Many more may have teens who are going through similar experiences of dismay and heart-sickness.  But if they remain open---and susceptible to the miraculous "spell" which brings us into physicality to begin with, they become part of humanity's legacy of faith, continuity, and wonder!  But it does take time and patience!


Just follow the link to You Tube.  It's well-worth a listen!

Those who observe Humanity as we go through our various stages of development often refer to us as “Masters of Limitation.”  They continually wonder how we---Spiritual Beings that we are---could so easily forget our true origins, and languish under limitations and conflicts which could easily be swatted away from us, like flies, if we only remembered how Spiritual Beings function!

In the meantime, humans from the age of 11 to 22 (or so) wrestle continually with the infusion of certain chemicals (hormones) and the introduction of certain life challenges (changes in social status) which, at times, drive us nearly insane!  Or, in some cases, WE seem to flourish---while the rest of our family and community are driven nearly insane because of us!  

Eventually, in a great many cases, a young person’s “wrestling match” with hormones morphs into a series of Life Choices and Goals---complete with a practice of sexuality which becomes highly localized around certain body regions, sensations, and needs.  Sexual Preferences become clear, and life decisions are revealed and made which result in some sort of Mastery in meeting those needs and desires.  And the entire process is Sexual.  It certainly involves “give and take” (the mechanics of sexual function), competition (the desire to attain status and recognition among our peers), and the overall pursuit of happiness.  

As the Reconnections have shared:  “With increased mobility comes responsibility.”  So our lives from age 20 to somewhere near age 45 (give or take five or so years) become focused on meeting personal responsibilities (career development, social commitment, child-rearing, satisfactory payment of personal debt, etc) until we reach a stage where our lives are no longer dictated by surges of body chemistry, unmet goals, or suppressed desires.  A time when we begin our journey of Defined MEANING for our Journey in 3D. 

This third stage of Sexual Development focuses on Transcendence.  As hormonal infusions diminish, the physical body begins to slow down.  We seek quality in life, rather than mere quantity.  If wisdom has been achieved through life experience, then personal maturity will have taught us that it’s better to work SMARTER than it is to work HARDER.  Personal Fortune may have been gathered, and career connections and alliances may provide additional protection against sudden lack due to unfortunate circumstance or illness.

To transcend means to “rise above” meaningless and superfluous details of societal living.  One can “rise above” through accumulation of endless supplies of money and property---while another may equally “rise above” despair and dissatisfaction through learning how to need or want less in order to be happy and serene.  The most powerful means of "rising above" involves the attainment of an expanded PERSPECTIVE on life---an aerial view.

For some, no amount of money is considered “enough.”  No amount of status or recognition can satisfy some people’s need to be recognized and admired.  That is because their lives are built on a weak foundation.  A foundation of comparison rather than Reconnection.   But my friends.......it's never to late to change!   And there is something especially noble about the very young and the very old collaborating about those elements that are true priorities for effective living---rather than compulsively pursuing rabbit trails of drama, intensity, and little more besides.  


Transcendence puts a person in touch with his inner “Wizard” and her “High Priestess.”  The emphasis in Sexuality moves from frequent participation in Sexual Acts to Spiritual Expansion and Ascension.  This does not exclude physical sex, but it does mandate that all expressions of “the Urge to Merge” would reflect a desire for both (or all) participants to reach higher and higher---Beyond one’s normal “Reality Box”…….up into the Heavens! 

In the series "Out of Our Heads, Into Our Senses,"  I utilize the very narrow dividing line between pain and pleasure to illustrate how individual and unique the elements of sexual excitation and attraction can be.  This is accomplished through interviews with both a Dominatrix (Practitioner of BDSM) and a Dakini (Practitioner of Tantric Arts) to describe ways of transmuting Sexual Energy UP, into the rest of a body's Energy Streams---rather than OUTWARD, into another person or erotic setting. 

There are no "right" or "wrong" ways to have sex.  But there are differences in results and consequences.  By bringing the energy UP, and merging it with ALL the body's systems, one can truly use sexual power to ASCEND, rather than control or entrap oneself or others into relentless patterns of DEPENDENCE and NEED.

That goal is what Gregg and I, and ALL who share in this forum, seem to be referencing.  Something BEYOND a mere titillation of the senses.  Something miraculous!  And if that experience is not available physically……..perhaps it can be a product of intense meditative conjuring, inter-dimensional contact, and 5D visualization.  More will be spoken about that in days to come.     

On to Part Four



Copyright, 2010, by Daniel Jacob, where indicated.  Copyright, 2010, by Gregg Palmer, where indicated.  All Rights Reserved.