Spirit-Led Sexuality, Part 6

"The Things We Do For Love"

B Y   D A N I E L   J A C O B

(with selected writings by V.S. in America)  

Series Index |  Sharing from Readers


There is much more to share with our friend, Gregg Palmer.  He is, quite literally, a fount of experience and newly-forming knowledge. This is true of ALL our "Next Generations."  So much to share---if you can get them to sit still long enough to tell it to you!  Fortunately, Gregg has done just that, and much more.  We will hear more from him shortly.     

In this day and age, we would hardly be doing justice to the topic of Spirit-Led Sexuality if we didn’t mention those tremendous measures of sacrifice being made by those whose definitions of “Love” and “Sexuality” fall outside those set by majority consensus.  One of the primary characteristics of a Separation-Based Society is the levying of peer pressure against those whose experience and expression of love and sexual attraction appears to go against what the majority of folks believe to be “moral” and “right.” 

The Reconnections, in their transmission “Families of the Heart,” had this to say (for example) about the highly controversial topic of Gay Marriage:

“For every implicate order there must also be a voluntary commitment to nourish and support it.  Where there is no conscious choice, there is no genuine love.  There is only a sense of obligation and heaviness.  Though these qualities do provide a rudimentary sense of security and grounding, they often stand directly in the way of a person moving beyond his heritage into a whole new area of achievement and personal realization.   

It does take a village to raise a child.  And it does take a village to meet the emotional and sociological needs of those who live in society.  Humanity is getting to the place where you can no longer pretend otherwise.    

Mandates will continue to arise to officially accept same-sex marriages throughout the U.S. and in many key areas of the world.  To some extent, this topic will eventually define civilization as you know it.  Those who learn to embrace ALL FORMS that genuine love connections choose to take will flourish and begin to breathe again.  Those who do not will eventually wither and die.

The key confrontation here is not really with the issue of homosexuality, though it will seem so. Underlying this emphasis on the honoring of same-sex marriage rests the need humanity now has to remove the "religious overtones" that have been wrapped around marriage for the last 2000 years.  

There is a reason that "God and Government" need to be separate in society.  For the last 2000 years, religion has largely been a divider of peoples, not a unifier of them.  That is because your relationship to God/Goddess/All That Is was designed to be a personal connection, not a corporate one. This has always been true of marriage as well.  In fact, successful marriages--ones that are kept vital and current--will eventually become the only government you will ever need.  More will be said about this in days to come.        

A mandate for the acceptance of gay marriage brings all of this to the forefront, and opens the door for some powerful sharing indeed, among the Earth's peoples, focused upon what a marriage is really supposed to be.  This is most excellent, because it will open your eyes to what the institution of marriage has become.  Changes in society and personal commitment will begin to shift rapidly at that point."  ~The Reconnections.


There are many “pioneers of love” operating in society at this time.   One wise person stated: 

“You can always tell the pioneers. They’re the ones with arrows in their back!"

When Bill Clinton brought adultery and sex into the Oval Office at the White House---the American Government spent huge sums of money to prosecute and harass him for “not being a good role model for Americans.”  True, he originally lied to people about the nature of his relationship to Monica Lewinsky.  But what business was it of ours what he does in his marriage and his sex life? 

During that era of social upheaval in the U.S., many Europeans laughed themselves silly at our national uproar around these simple expressions of human sexual desire. THEIR leaders had been openly engaging themselves with “mistresses” for centuries. 

In another transmission concerning marital fidelity, or lack thereof---the Reconnections pointed out that the Institution of Marriage (particularly dealing with the mandate for sexual fidelity) was designed to protect lands and property from falling into “wrong” or “undesirable” hands---due to claims that might be made by “bastard children” upon the death of their birth parent(s).

As the Guides so aptly put it:  “All this hubbub had little to do with love, devotion or loyalty---except to the degree that money and property are preserved within a particular blood line.”  In today's world, we might also add ACCEPTANCE, POPULARITY, SECURITY and BELONGING within one's predominant social order......as motivations for walking the "straight" and narrow, regardless of what might feel with his or her secret self. 

Yet sooner or later, when we enter the realm of Spirit-Led Sexuality, what a person thinks about HIM or HERSELF becomes far more important than acceptance or security within some social order. Some will risk all in order to honor internal drives and preferences which they can neither explain nor deny. Others choose to adopt some sexual "stance" in order to do battle for a person's right to choose---regardless of what that choice may be.    

You have all been so generous in your sharing, and I thank you from the bottom of my heart. I couldn't help but make extra room for the following narrative, because it brings together several important themes:  Sexuality and Age Difference, Same-Sex Attraction, and Sexual Connections which sometimes originate in Other Lives.  I am grateful to V.D.S. in Oregon for her courage and clarity by sharing in the following account: 

"Dear Daniel.......Having put aside investigating your investigation of spiritual sexuality for so long, today offered a good time to do it with this current message from you. So I read four links you provided and a little bit more. Most of the dramas are very understandable and of a "been there done that" nature or close enough to provoke great sympathy for the paths they describe. 

I have had the luxury of enough contemplative time on my own history to have deep gratitude for all of my experiences -- all of them.  Enough so that when entering a new drama, there is more often the  witness awareness, too, than not, much as I think Gregg described.

So I don't currently have any issues about sexuality. But I did have an interesting series of events with someone about a past life over the last year or two. I had learned from a friend about a couple who did landscaping and maintenance. I'd called and made an appointment.  When they arrived I explained what I needed, went back into the house  and tried to understand what had just happened that made me want to go back out and watch them work.

As you may know, I am in my 80s and gay. This couple were gay and  about 40 or so. One of them I just couldn't stop watching. This was  not a sexual attraction, although that could have been a part of it.  It just didn't feel that way and heaven knows I've had enough experience to know what that is all about and I am definitely not in the market, so to speak. The idea of even having a relationship again  is something that I know I don't want. Yet I found that I must just  sit and watch this person and a deep comfort took place along with a very puzzled wonderment about it all. As I no longer deny myself when  an urge makes itself known, I did just that for various periods of the  work day as they returned at regular intervals to continue working for me.


And we talked and became friends during the rest periods. Got into metaphysics and that was a shared interest, particularly with the planet and the plants. For some of the bigger tasks, Joan, as I will call her, brought others to help. Then I learned that the two had split and Joan was living with one of her helpers during the transition. Last Thanksgiving, I was invited to share the meal and for the first time I was in Joan's environment and this seemed to make a difference for her own sense of herself and others. In other words, I was no longer the "boss" but only who I was.  And suddenly she remembered just who I was. 14th century or so in Ireland. She had not wanted children but had just given birth to our daughter  and I was again going out to sea to fish. As a sensitive, she had warned me to not stand at a particular part of our boat as it would kill me. When the crew came back without me, she learned I'd been knocked overboard from that very spot by the boom. She was in a rage  then and as she remembered it she again was in a rage calling me  names, saying how hard it was to care for our daughter, how I had promised to help raise the child.

This whole memory rushed up within her when I had used an Irish accent to tell a story or make a remark. That part is lost, her reaction was  so full and complete. I had no memory of this past life in my mind,  but my body did as I became very aware of my maleness and wanting to bed her to assure her all was well, I didn't mean to die, I was so  sorry and on and on as she continued to berate me for not listening to her warning.

Later, alone and over several weeks, I sat with the details Joan had provided, when she was able to settle down. Finally... I knew that a squall had come up and we all were rushing here and there to keep the boat safe. As I had rushed along the rail to help my mates, I was blindsided at the very spot I was told not to stand by a wildly swinging boom that knocked me unconscious and out of the boat. I also was knocked out of my body as I remember watching it sink ever deeper  into the sea aided with metal tools in my pocket, heavy work boots and warm clothing that took on water and weight. I knew my wife would be very upset, yelled at my body to wake up and save itself. I went to her side and knew she felt me there as she smiled and turned to me in her sleep.


Now the interesting parts. I had hung around trying to comfort her when she knew what happened. And I watched her anger deepen until I realized she felt me near and that kept her from getting over my being gone, because I wasn't gone. I had just lost my usefulness. So I did leave, finally, and only stopped by now and then to see how they were doing.  I had to get over my jealously when she married a lad I liked but  didn't think him good enough for her. But he was in love with her and a good father so my anger turned to gratitude, because I could also  see she was content with him.

Over the centuries I would find her when I was in a discarnate state and just sit and watch what she was doing. Male or female. I watched for long periods of time. Joan remembers other lifetimes we have had  as mates as well as friends. Four in all, but I can only get in touch with this one. The one I'd not kept my promises.

But the watching. That was quite a revelation for me as I am a watcher now in many situations where I feel quite outside, looking in. I enjoy listening to people tell their story. I am very comfortable and interested doing that. This is in stark contrast to the more frequent times I can't shut up. Or so I feel, when interrupting another.  Another past life aspect of myself? I often wonder what part is just me, the now me. Perhaps all of it.

But the lad that I had been was up and very present in my now space and I was incredibly in love with Joan wanting to bed her at the same time I was assuring her I was not interested in starting another relationship. From the time she called to him and shouted obscenities at him, I sort of suffered from the obsession of being in love. I say "sort of suffered"...because it was easy and delightful to experience "in love" again, and I knew it an impossibility of doing anything about all at the same time. She, too, went through a similar period of attraction---of wanting while knowing it was not something that was wanted by either of us.

If I were 60 and she 30 and this was twenty years ago, I would be telling an entirely different story. This I know. But the outcome in time invested may not have been all that different. It is something that we had had for a short time that was snatched away. This yearning to complete it for the whole of that life time would not have  lasted very long as it was geared for that other life time and not this one. This one has other priorities. Important point.

There is also the physical differences for me. The lad had a penis, I don't. I never asked him, but my feelings are that without that equipment, his frustration would have been quite real and a big problem. I would know how to adapt now, but not twenty years ago.  Okay, so let me say it differently. Now I know that all of my passion, sexual included, is for the union with my own divinity as a single entity in a human form. Then possibly seeking connections with ALLTHAT IS....Beingness. But up there about equal in desire is the unity with all of my brothers and sisters of all time and space in the Oneness as a part of humanity. The manifested worlds. Yet this is all at the spiritual level. Having these as my central daily focus started during 1990, those twenty years ago, I have pretty much become a hermit with only the Internet to visit others in the virtual world. As you well  know, the Internet is our step toward full telepathic connections.


During 2005, I entered seriously into marketing online and find that that is what "we" are doing together and for specific purposes.  Now with all this and that in mind, I see these events, the little dramas, as stepping stones. I remember no dreams and frequently am told to go take a long nap or to lean back and take a short one here  at my desk. In your writing, Daniel, you mention our being at meetings or doing other business when asleep or not fully focused in our physicality. I acknowledge that that is what is happening to me. I have accepted that it is not for me at this time to know in human terms what is going on. My job is to look for the newness as it manifests online and to make recommendations as to how to rearrange elements for a better distribution of money for all humans simply because they are  alive and in a physical form. And I am seeing my day dreaming happening.

But at a more personal level, these events are teaching my emotional body to see through the eyes of my divinity and to smooth out my responses. It is not that anger, frustration, depression don't have  uses---because they are useful if for only a long moment. Because I don't pay too much attention to subtleties, I allow my emotions to go  full force to call attention to themselves. Then I might more quickly know I need to make a correction.....that I've wandered off the trajectory and need a flight correction to get where I want or need to go.

The most effective tools I have for this adaptation are the virtues of the heart, namely, appreciation, compassion, forgiveness, humility, understanding and valor. They have made it far easier to regain my balance and return to the awareness of my plurality. The WE that WE are slowly becoming.  I hope this is helpful for someone.

Loving you,

VS in America.

Thanks so much to V.S. for her contribution to the series.  The thing she (or HE, originally) did for love lasted for centuries. That's not only unique, but highly romantic...when we think about it!  I was especially touched by the image of that discarnate soul---showing up over successive lifetimes---simply to WATCH OVER the Beloved.  To see what he or she was up to.  And I wonder how many "other lovers" from across time do the same with each of us.  There are so very many who have suffered tremendously for love---mostly at the hands of societal structures that could not make room for the kind of love they felt. 

I'm thinking, for example, of the love affair of Heloise and Peter Abelard---the renowned French Philosopher, considered one of the greatest thinkers of the 12th Century.  In his day, a Teacher of Spirituality made the same vow of celibacy given by a priest---a vow he was happy to keep, until he met the lovely niece of Canon Fulbert, a rich and famous leader of his town. Originally commissioned to tutor Heloise, to give her the finest education, Peter quickly found himself head-over-heels in love. Before long, the couple had breached his vow of celibacy, a deed which eventually came to the attention of her proud and spiteful Uncle. As an expression of his disdain and rage over this "loss" (which would have considerable financial impact in that day), Canon Fulbert ordered Abelard to be bound, and surgically un-manned while he slept.   

The original Biblical edict of "an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth," which has fallen under such controversy in these latter days---was originally designed to LIMIT the amount of vengeance that a wounded party could take upon the one who had offended him.  In the case of Canon Fulbert and Abelard, all the rules were simply thrown by the wayside!  The pain and heartbreak which came upon the "offending couple" eventually drove them both to lives of celibacy and devotion in the Church---she to the convent and he to the Priesthood. And yet, across the years.....as Heloise and Abelard sought to serve God, with all the devotion they could muster, they wrote a series of letters to one another which are now considered sacred works of art, reprinted and distributed around the world. 

"Often the hearts of men and women are stirred, as likewise they are soothed in their sorrows more by example than by words. And therefore... am I now minded to write of the sufferings which have sprung out of my misfortunes..."

   ~Peter Abelard

When I was designing the graphics for Jenifer Ransom's excellent article on Arthur Rimbaud and Jim Morrison, I was reminded of the pain and heartache that came upon both Rimbaud and Paul Verlaine, Arthur's bi-sexual lover.  Rimbaud's suffering was largely due to his expanded consciousness, coupled with extreme mood shifts, whereas the price Verlaine paid for their love was far more physical and torturous.  Not only did Verlaine's marriage suffer, due to his relationship with Rimbaud, but he eventually was sentenced to prison and hard-labor in Belgium.  In those days, gay males suffered more at the hands of society than denial of their right to marry.  In many countries, the "crime of sodomy" incurred prison time, and hard-labor. 

The same was true in the life of poet and renowned playwright Oscar Wilde, also bi-sexual in his orientation.  Famous the world over for his dashing and carefree manner of dress and social behavior, not to mention his incredibly intelligent works of literature---Wilde fell under serious social criticism over his love affair with Lord Alfred "Bosie" Douglas, a beautiful but spoiled young nobleman, whose cruel and sadistic father openly accused Oscar as a "sodomite" and "plunderer of young boys"  His accusations were more or less true.......except for the plundering part.  If anything, Wilde had a tendency to over-indulge his young companions---which he oft referred to as "angels" (Bosie Douglas leading the pack by a mile!)  Caught between the rage of young Bosie and the cruel arrogance of his Noble-born father, the Marquis---Wilde was seduced into a lawsuit, claiming libel against the Marquis---and the whole truth was laid bare in court---resulting in 2 year prison term, with hard labor, for Oscar.  In those days, men of Oscar's station and background were only able to survive about 9 months of such treatment.  Oscar surprised them all, but later succumbed to the strain---after his wife had died, Bosie had left, and the various other strands of his life were allowed to slowly unravel. 


Oscar's life was extraordinary---as was Rimbaud's and Verlaine, Leonardo Di Vinci, Michelangelo, Walt Whitman---as each explored "that love which dare not speak it's name."  Today, we ARE daring to speak it---and considerable progress is being made!  Though it may seem that ANY delay in correcting these injustices against LOVE that have been committed, by frightened and bigoted societies, humankind is moving ever forward.  As E.B.White put it so clearly:  "Those who conduct polls in order to 'take the pulse of public opinion,' may not be taking into account that the public may have just run up several flights of stairs."   

Well........there is so much more that could be said here---about gross injustices involving ALL types of love.  But this segment is simply meant to be an honorarium, a memorial........not a rant.  Regardless of how each of us chooses to express his or her love---or with whom---it really needs to be the choice of those individuals who are involved---not those who stand and observe....especially if they stand and observe too long!

"The Bible contains six admonishments to homosexuals and 362 admonishments to heterosexuals.  That doesn't mean that God doesn't love heterosexuals.  It's just that they need more supervision." 

~Lynn Lavner


"Homosexuality is god's way of insuring that the truly gifted aren't burdened with children." 


~Sam Austin



"No government has the right to tell its citizens when or whom to love.  The only queer people are those who don't love anybody."


~Rita Mae Brown, speech, 28 August 1982






Copyright, 2011, by Daniel Jacob, where indicated. Copyright, 2011, by V.S., where indicated.  All Rights Reserved.